devour me bite after bite, consume me for an hour at a time only, blood rush handful of thighs, coconut flavored mess of meaningless love enough to last until you’re gone just as fast as you came into my chest, shield splintered from the garrison siege of your momentary love and it’s all I need, your eyes rolling back in your head, I’m stronger from your friendship but fortified by this understanding of fleeting love, postmondern affectionsim fanned through the open window, miss you not mourn you, want you not need you, yes, yes, it’s all I need

I liked Evan because he was temperate most of the time. Mechanical in style and mind. Everything was a deduction at first, like let’s break this down with logic, the answer is in the cards somewhere, everything had a formula and a reason and a purpose. But then we’d get home from whatever fucking dinner we subjected ourselves to, and his robotic makeup would whirr without a fan and slowly break down and malfunction. It was so goddamn human and I loved it. He discovered his aggressiveness each time he touched me like it was the first time he’d seen my skin, starting methodically oh, touch here now touch there then, fuck…oh god…oh god what’s this…this is incredible…this is unbearably good, whatever it was it was incomprehensible and it wasn’t logical and it couldn’t be tabulated and it was just happening one breath after another and he’d go from breathing steadily to what i called Evan breaths, so completely him, like they felt the way the color garnet looks, the kind of breath you feel when someone unzips your dress from behind after finishing a bottle of red wine, that aesthetic of calm sultriness, the unintentional brooding of dark haired dark eyed Evan, who was never apologetic about not being able to keep his hands off of me, who was kind and questioning and squeezed parts of me inside and out and this isn’t a love story it’s just a story about this guy. He’s leaving, long island has stolen so much from me, and there’s finality this time, not just me not knowing what I want, but actual adult choices at play like pusuit and change, and I knew all along it would end like this. he is a good person and I will miss him dearly but I am selfish and insufferable and I will miss most the confidence he gave me